READ:I Was Shamed By 2 Kids (And How I Learnt English Grammar)

“Have you ate your food?” I stammered, unsure whether my grammar was correct.

Emmanuel and his kid sister, Shade, burst into laughter. They were respectively 9 years and 7 years. I was 18 years. I knew I had misfired. I began sweating profusely.

I had overheard Emmanuel telling his mother how “…uncle Tosin speaks incorrect English” but I had chosen to ignore the naughty boy because… that was all I could do.

So I knew I had to cover up my latest goof. I pretended to be laughing with them so I could feel a bit less embarrassed.

“I know the sentence is wrong. I just want to know if you will notice the error,” I lied to them. They believed me.

It was really humiliating, but that incident turned out to be a great blessing for me.

Here’s the full story…

I attended a public secondary school.

Although I was privileged to have some really competent, dedicated and experienced teachers, the public education system was generally bad.

I still have my grudges against the Intensive English textbook we used. Either it was too theoretical and abstract or I was too dumb to appreciate its methodology.

Mind you, I was the best student in the Arts class and the second best student in English Language (Onyebuchi Chidinma was the English Language champ).

So you can safely conclude the whole class had a serious challenge understanding and confidently speaking the English Language.

In consequence, I had a C6 in the English Language in my WAEC examinations. Other than Fine Arts in which I had a C4, the other subjects I sat for were all distinctions.

My poor performance in English Language notwithstanding, I was glad I made all my papers. 90% of my colleagues didn’t.

While I was waiting to write my UME (now UTME), one of the places I worked was a canteen. I was in the canteen with my boss’ kids one sad day when I murdered a grammar rule.

“Have you ate your food?” I asked Shade, hoping my grammar would not create a scene.

It did!

Emmanuel and Shade burst into laughter. I began sweating profusely. I lied to the naughty kids I was only testing their grammar proficiency. Silly me!

End of movie.

I avoided speaking with the kids henceforth unless it was inevitable. I didn’t have a problem with their mother since I spoke with her in Yoruba Language.

The incident made me embarrassed and angry for days.

My grammar proficiency wasn’t that bad after all. I could sometimes speak English Language for 30 minutes without committing a major blunder, as far as I kept my diction simple and thought well before uttering each sentence.

I was in a situation many people would not even see as a problem, let alone find a solution to. But I decided I didn’t like the way things were going.

I entered the driver’s seat

I started asking around for help on improving my English grammar. I came across the book, “Fundamental Formulas of the English Language” by Barr. Oscar Izeyor Iyoha and instantly fell in love with it.

Most English grammar textbooks I had seen were copy-cat compilations of abstract theories. Oscar’s book was an exception. It was full of simple, actionable lessons and well illustrated exercises.

For 6 months, I studied nothing else but the book.

It made all the difference. Thanks to the solid foundation the book laid for me, I had a brilliant score in English in my UME… I’ve won 11 essay contests and published high-impact books… And I’ve built a writing career I cherish.

Although I’ve studied and benefitted from tons of other English grammar books since then, Barr. Oscar’s book was the foundation. God bless him, a grammar genius!

NB: Due to demands by readers, I contacted Barr. Oscar yesterday. He said the book is only available in Lagos and Benin. If you need to, call him on 08033463636.

Let’s talk about your dream

As you probably know, this blog is on a mission to help writers like you live their dreams.

And what do writers dream?

Being able to write better and help others with their words. Building a readership (which is best done via blogging). Getting published. Bagging some laurels. Making handsome earnings from writing and not having to take up or stick to some boring 8-5 jobs.

You love those, don’t you?

But the bad news is you… you won’t live your dream if your grammar sucks.

No! You need not become a picky grammar geek. You might not even know all the technical terminologies and rules that guide the English grammar.

But you do need a working understanding of how to assemble the 26 English letters and punctuation marks without coming across as unintelligent or careless. And you need to put that understanding to practice and build up your confidence in it in speech and writing.

Introducing…

Grammar Conquest: a free 7-day course

So, as my contribution to see you live your writing dreams, I’m launching Grammar Conquest, a 7-day grammar course.

And have no fears… the course is entirely free. No catch whatsoever.